Let’s Go
Guys! It’s my last round of Chemo! I’m almost done and I’m so excited about it. Plus - I feel great - well, maybe not great - but better than I’ve felt in months. I feel hopeful and encouraged and motivated and alive. I’m so close to putting this all behind me. Not that it will ever be totally behind me, but you get what I mean. Cancer is something that I will always be scared of and something that I’m constantly thinking about, but hopefully that will fade as time goes by. But I think I will feel like I’ve accomplished something big once my treatment plan is complete. Just a few more days.
I checked into the hospital this afternoon (Monday 1/25) and first met with my oncologist to discuss the next steps. I will be getting another PET scan the first week of March and with any hope we’ll see that remaining dead tumor get smaller and smaller. Depending on those images, he will decide if he wants to give me another PET scan 3 months after that or wait till 6 months. Of course we don’t want the tumor to sneak back up on us when we’re not looking, but turns out, too much exposure to radiation from the radioactive liquid for the PET scan can, you guessed it, cause cancer. I mean, really?! What doesn’t cause cancer these days? So anyway, now that I know that, I don’t really want to get scans every 3 months, but we’ll see what my doctor wants to do going forward. I know I’m going to be one of those patients that requires more attention than most since my tumor grew to 10 centimeters in less than 6 months. I want to make sure we stay on top of it to make sure, if it does come back, we catch it much sooner.
After meeting with my oncologist, I got checked in for my last luxurious hospital vacation, and so the process starts all over again. Chest X-Ray to make sure the PICC line is still in the right place, then urine PH baseline test, then IV fluids for 4 hours, then anti-nausea in the IV, then Methotrexate for 4 hours. After that, they wait 24 hours from the time the Methotrexate is complete to start the Leucovorin which will pull the toxins out of my system. Then we wait for my levels to go back to normal. I have the IV fluids going now and I’ll be getting hooked up to the Methotrexate at about 10pm tonight, so for now I’m looking forward to several sleepless nights with lots of beeping and puking and fluid changes and urine collections every 4 hours. Dream vacation, right? But hey, at least I don’t have to supervise kindergarten homework assignments or build a toilet paper roll roller coaster (sorry Eric).
I’m sure a big part of my excitement for this round is not just the end of this treatment journey, but also the fact that I’m going to get my PICC line removed before I leave the hospital. I can’t express how excited I am for this. This PICC line has been the most annoying, irritating, uncomfortable, frustrating part of chemo. It’s bulky, ugly, and just overall icky. I have literal tubes coming out of my arm - two of them. I haven’t been able to sleep on my right side for over a year - first from the pain of the tumor and then from the PICC. I have had to go to the hospital once a week to get the dressing changed. It’s a constant reminder that I’m not well. I’ve been self conscious when hugging my husband because I know he can feel them when he wraps his arms around me. I’ve been too embarrassed to wear short sleeves for months. I’ve had to shower with a huge plastic arm condom on to avoid getting it wet. I’m constantly nervous someone will bump into me and it will hurt or that the tubes will get pushed or pulled causing them to move out of place in my chest. It’s been a whole thing with these freaking tubes. I’ve never been good with needles or blood (I still have to look away when I get blood drawn), but having these tubes sticking out of my arm for the last 7 months makes me queasy just thinking about it. I can’t believe that when I leave I’m going to be able to take a shower with ease, or jump in a pool, or raise my arm above my head, or lift something heavy. It’s just one step closer to getting my body back. My body has belonged to cancer for the last year, but very soon it will be my body again.
Next up for me and my newly reclaimed body will be to get into shape. I have been on so many different medications and steroids plus I’ve been definitely eating my feelings for months so of course I’ve gained a bit of weight during this journey. I’ve really just allowed myself to eat whatever I wanted to try to make myself feel better (lots of cookies and candy) and now that I’m cancer free and moving past treatment, I really want to start treating my body better. I want to put in the work to get healthy and active and see how good I can feel. I feel like I owe it to myself for overcoming this terrible thing. I want to reward my body for beating cancer. I want to be healthy and strong and I’m actually looking forward to working out. I remember how good I felt when I was taking yoga classes regularly and I think I want to learn how to run too - not marathons or anything crazy - but just to be able to be outside in the fresh air with music blasting in my ears and pushing my new body to see what else it can do. It’s going to be great.
