And Just Like That…
I’m done!
It’s over. I’m officially done with chemo. 9 Rounds. Over 1,000 hours of infusion. That’s what it took to get rid of my cancer. In some ways I feel like my journey is ending, but really chemo was only part of my journey. Chemo is over and cancer is gone, but there’s still so much healing my body needs to do. I’m so proud of myself for enduring this process. There’s an exclusive club of cancer survivors that know they’ve faced death and extreme pain and immense trauma - they know how hard this battle is and the toll it can take on a person but they also know how amazing our bodies are and how resilient our spirits can be and what they’re capable of overcoming. I now know how strong I am. Go ahead ask. I’m really fucking strong. And I have proof. There were times when I didn’t think I could take anymore, times when I wanted to quit, times when all I did all day was cry - but I didn’t stop. My body has been tried tested and I came out victorious. Please God let that be enough. Please let me rest and have peace for a while before tackling my next challenge.
Last week was a rather anticlimactic and unceremonious end to my chemo journey and I’m really okay with that. There were no surprise side-effects or extended hospital stays. I checked in on Monday and checked out on Friday. It was even easier than my last round where I was in the hospital for 5 nights - this round I was only in the hospital for 4 nights. Just as expected, I was really sick and pukey the day after the methotrexate ended on Tuesday, but that was it. Once Wednesday hit I was feeling better and by Thursday my methotrexate level was already at 0.11. This was the fastest round in terms of how quickly my levels went back to normal. I took 3 walks a day around the halls of 6 East listening to podcasts and chatting with the nurses. I did my best to drink tons of water (while hording little shasta cans to bring home for the kids). I even found something to eat that was decent - hummus and veggies! I was in good spirits the whole time too. I wasn’t the emotional sobbing mess like I was during my first round (maybe we can thank Prozac for this). And the best part was that all of the nurses knew it was my last round so I got lots of congratulations and affirmations that I’m done.
Wednesday my mom picked up the kids and then went to Nothing Bundt Cakes to get goodies for the nurses. We’ve done this a few times and I really hope the nurses appreciate the gesture. I won’t ever be able to thank them enough for everything they did for me over the past 8 months. The whole Kaiser oncology staff has been amazing and really like surrogate family for patients in there all alone. Of course while my mom and kids were there dropping off the goodies, they did a happy dance for me outside my window. I don’t think they could see me all the way up on the 6th floor, but I could see them and it made my day.
Friday morning I was feeling good and ready to go home, but not before getting these tubes out of my arm. I was most excited about this part! Finally being able to walk away without a nagging reminder of cancer. Once we got my methotrexate level back (0.06) they submitted the order for my discharge. When they knew my ride was on their way to get me, they came in to remove the PICC line. They promised it wouldn’t hurt and it really didn’t. All I felt was pressure as my nurse pulled it out. She had me breathe in, hold, and slowly blow out as she removed the tube that saved my life. Of course I wanted to take a picture of the before and after. I barely remember when they put it in back in July when I was in the hospital for my first round of chemo - it feels like so long ago. You can hardly even see the hole now after a few days of healing. I can shower without anything protecting it and that feels amazing, plus I have full mobility of my arm again and I can sleep on my right side again.
I had mentioned to them that I wanted to ring the bell once I was done and after much discussion, they decided they couldn’t let me back into the infusion center after being discharged as I was hoping. I was even okay hearing this news. I will be back to see my oncologist in March and I can ring it then - no big deal. The important part is knowing I’m done. I didn’t wimp out. Who saw that coming? I did everything I was supposed to do and I can walk away knowing I gave it my all.
Now I’ve been home for a few days and I feel really good. My energy is returning slowly too. We’ve been going on family walks around the park and the kids and I have been doing little 20 minute yoga videos in the morning before school. I just want to focus of being more active spending more time outside. I don’t have any nausea or headaches. I feel like my muscles are stiff and have a few body aches, but I’m sure this will gradually go away too. I still have a little numbness in my leg, watery eyes, dry skin, and my finger tips still get a little tingly, but these are definitely manageable issues that could get better over time. Overall I think I’m recovering really fast.
Next up - I have another PET scan the first week of March and then an appointment the following week to look at the images. Fingers crossed we see even less of the tumor remaining and hopefully nothing will be lighting up!
