About Me

Molly Adele Patten

Hi!

I was diagnosed with cancer on 7/1/2020 - but that’s not who I am. Let’s back up. I was born in 1982 in Newport Beach, California (in the heart of the OC). Okay, maybe I backed up too much. For the majority of my life I lived in Orange County, CA, with a 4 year deviation to Michigan to attend Michigan State University. Shortly after graduating college I moved home and a few years later in 2008 I married my high school sweetheart, Eric. He has always been the love of my life and I’m often reminded of how lucky I am that he puts up with me and all my crap.

In 2011 we had our first baby - Margaret (Maggie) Claire Patten. She is now going into 4th grade and is way too smart for her own good. She’s already decided she wants to pursue art professionally and I have no doubt she will be successful. Maybe she’s end up at Pixar as a digital animator or working as a fashion designer in NYC.

In 2014 we had our second baby - Harrison Michael Patten. Has anyone ever told you that raising a boy is different that raising a girl? Well, we’re living proof of that. He has so much energy we can barely keep up most days. He can be the sweetest mommy’s boy one second and then the next he’s smashing his PS4 controller into his new TV that he got for Christmas. This may seem like an oddly specific example - but that’s exactly what he did yesterday. Either way, I know he’s a happy boy, and that one too is pretty darn smart. He will be going into Kindergarten next year.

So this year, my husband Eric and I will have been married for 12 years and together for 20 years. I know there are a lot of people who might doubt that a couple could be as happy as their Instagram posts suggest, but I’m here to say that for some couples, like mine, it’s all true. Not to say we haven’t had our rough patches (also known as years 7 and 8 of marriage), but as of this moment, we couldn't be happier.

All of my happy memories revolve around by husband and my kids and our family and friends. I want nothing more than to spend time with my little family (or just my husband without the kids). We love going to concerts, traveling, going to Disneyland and Universal Studios, throwing water balloons at each other in the front yard - all of the typical family stuff.

I realize it’s never a good time to get sick, but this year, for so many reasons, makes it even harder. 2020 is sure going to be a year for the history books, and it just seems like it keeps getting worse. Let’s see, global pandemic, murder hornets, racially charged protests, Australian fires, helicopter crashes, distance learning, and now I can add Cancer to that list.

So let’s get into it. I’ve known for quite some time that something isn’t right. I remember back in October of 2019 complaining about a pain in my abdomen which was causing pain in my lower back and numbness in my leg - all on the right side. I recall a conversation with my mom about the possibility of appendicitis or gallstones (My mom had gallbladder cancer back in 2012). At that time, the pain was off and on and nothing that was preventing me for a normal life, so like most people, I ignored it. In January I changed jobs and switched back to Kaiser for my health insurance which I was really exited about, so I figured I would wait for all of that to be arranged and then I would go see my doctor. In March 2020 the abdominal pain was getting worse, so I though the first stop should be my OBGYN. I scheduled my “well-woman” visit and got my annual exam. I explained the pain and she felt all around and didn’t see of feel anything that would indicate it was a OB related issue. Okay, I thought, on to the next one. If we can eliminate reproductive organs, then I’ll go see my primary care doctor. The following week I went in to be examined for the ever-increasing pain. After hearing about the pain and leg numbness, my primary doctor felt the most logical answer would be a pinched nerve in my back. I got a back X-Ray which showed slight swelling so I was given muscle relaxers, a booklet of stretches, and was told to try to lose some weight and I would be fine.

It was about that time that the world exploded. This was now mid March and shortly after this doctor appointment, California went on lock-down and all non-essential businesses closed. With fear of the virus all around, I figured it was best not to go back to the doctor’s office until it was safer to do so. While in quarantine for 3 months, working full-time and distance learning with my kids in TK and 3rd grade, my pain got worse, but still I ignored it. I just kept doing the stretched my doctor had suggested and took a LOT of Advil to alleviate the pain. It wasn’t until June that things got more serious. There were days where I couldn't sleep in my bed and had to stay on the couch since I couldn't get in a comfortable position for my back. There were also times when I would have an excruciating “flare-up” of pain where I was brought to tears, unable to walk and my kids running to get mommy the ice pack. I would need help to the couch where I would stack ice packs on my leg to get the pain down, but since my right leg was pretty numb from hip to knee by then, the ice brought little relief. Almost like a contraction, I had to just clench my teeth and hold my breath waiting for the pain to pass. After these “flare-ups” became a daily occurrence, I knew I had to do something. It was at that time that I noticed the mass. I was doing dishes on Thursday 6/18 before bed when I leaned up against the counter and felt resistance. Not the normal squishy belly that I’m used to, but a hard belly like I remember from when I was pregnant. Now, I’m sure it seems weird to some that I didn’t know what my belly felt like or didn’t regularly touch my stomach, but I just didn’t. So that night when I laid down in bed and further examined my swollen belly I knew there was something alarming. To me it felt like the size of a baseball and was very hard just on one size. Feeling like I might be overreacting, I woke up my husband and had him feel it too. I really thought he was going to tell me that he didn’t feel anything and to go back to bed, but that’s not at all how it went down. He felt it too. I can’t say I got much sleep that night. The next day, which happened to by my wonderful husband’s 43rd birthday, I called my doctor to make an appointment. They let me know that the first available appointment wouldn't be until Monday 6/22/2020. So i booked the appointment and let my mom know that I would need to drop the kids off for an hour while I went to the doctors for a check-up.

Monday 6/22/2020 was the day that kicked off one of the worst weeks of my life. My appointment was in the afternoon so I dropped the kids off and headed over to the Kaiser Harbor/MacArthur office in Santa Ana. I was examined and my doctor too was concerned about the mass. He confirmed with my estimation that it was about the size of a baseball. He told me that next steps would be a CT scan and that I should go to the Kaiser Sand Canyon hospital in Irvine the following morning, Tuesday 6/23/2020, to have that done. Since this was a scary procedure that I had never had before I knew I wanted my husband there with me to hold my hand and tell me it was all going to be okay, but of course with COVID back on the uptick, we were informed that no visitors would be allowed in the waiting room. So there I sat, by myself, drinking the most discussing contrast solution, and snap-chatted my friends. I hadn’t shared with anyone other than family about my pain, but I knew that if this was going to be something serious, that I wanted my friends to know so they could help me through it. I have an incredible group of friends near and far (but mostly far) - more besties than I know what to do with and so many people that would drop everything and help me no matter the reason. Of course within minutes of posting a photo of me in a hospital waiting room, I had several friends reaching out asking what was wrong. It’s definitely true that my friends are better than yours - sorry not sorry. So, CT Scan wasn’t as bad as I feared - waiting for the contrast was the worst part. Once it was over, I called Eric to come pick me up and take me home. We were told that the doctor would review the images and call me within a few hours. It was about 4pm when I got a call telling me that its very possible that the mass is cancer and I need to get back to the hospital right away. No need to check in, go straight to the 4th floor - they’re waiting for me.

Well Fuck - that’s not the call anyone wants to get.

So I called my mom to come pick up my kids for the night and let her know that I “might?” have cancer and that I need to go to the hospital immediately. I’m sure that call from a daughter is not one that a mother want’s to get either. She was at our home in a matter of minutes while Eric and I ran around the house packing them a bag as well as me a bag. Saying goodbye to my kids and my mom in the driveway of my home was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. At that point, I wasn’t sure what was going on and feared that I may never see them again. When asked how long I’d be in the hospital, my doctor said it I should plan for a week. Yikes.

On the way to the hospital, I got a call with our room assignment - room 420. For some reason that was reassuring and made us giggle. People who know my uncle Ron, who passed away from cancer last year, would say that was his way of letting us know that he was going to be with me in the same hospital where he spent so much time. Upon arrival, we were again told about the hospital’s policy against visitors, but my husband quickly said he had to use the restroom, and they let him him. We B-lined it for the elevator and headed up to the 4th floor room 420. After hanging out there for a few hours, it was finally time to begin my rigorous list of exams and tests - starting with the most painful ultrasound ever. With that out of the way, we were told we’d have those results in the morning and it was time to say goodbye to Eric and try to get some rest. I’m so grateful they allowed Eric to stay with me that night for about 5 hours before sending him packing.

Wednesday 6/24/2020 was filled with blood test, meeting with doctors, people telling me I’m too young for cancer, and doctors saying that they’ve reviewed the CT scan and aren’t fully sure what the mass is or where it’s attached. For several days they were leaning toward it being in or on my ovary which changed to in my Fallopian tube. They weren’t sure if it was cancer or a cyst or an abscess. So they needed to do more tests before they would be confident cutting me open. It may have been at this point that I started asking for Dr. House - all of these doctors were stumped.

Thursday 6/25/2020 was more blood test and then the big one - the one they told me would answer all of our questions - the MRI. This was by far the most painful thing I had gone through so far in the hospital. The pain I’ve been in is located on my lower right back and lower abdomen, causing me to walk hunched over, never straightening my back all the way, and never putting pressure on my back - I’ve been sleeping on my side for months so avoid this exact position. So, lying on the hard MRI scanner perfectly still for OVER AN HOUR was damn near impossible. I wanted to be the perfect patient to they could get the best images possible, but I was in excruciating pain in that tube. So much so, that I asked if I could just scream in the tube. I didn’t want them to stop because that would cause them to have to reset the whole thing forcing me to be there even longer. So I just screamed and cried through the pain. I knew that I had something very special to do right after I was done with the MRI, so I tried to keep that in my mind to get through.

This leads me to a tangent about my incredible nurses. Why anyone would want this job, I don’t know - it’s not for me, but man am I glad these ladies chose this as their career. It’s true when I say that I wouldn’t have been able to get through my week at the hospital without them. Not one was sour or cold - I never got a “bad one”. Maybe COVID has something to do with that, but I think these nurses have had to become surrogate families for these patients there without visitors. I got hugs and long talks and shared tears with many of my nurses that week. One in particulate, Katherine, definitely went above and beyond. After seeing how heartbroken I was to be away from my kids, she devised a plan. She got approval from her manager to take me outside by the entrance of the hospital to get some “fresh air”. Now, if anyone asks, it was a complete coincidence that at that exact time when I was enjoying being out of the hospital, my family just happened to drive up and park in the driveway. I was given 10 minutes to get in the car with my mom, husband, and kids, so I could say hi and give hugs and kisses. This was so needed and so appreciated - I certainly hope Katherine knows what that meant to me.

Friday 6/26 was more blood work, more guesses as to the cause of my tumor, and more doctors reviewing all of the scans and tests in my ever-growing chart. Finally we had the results of the MRI which brought with it some answers - finally. I was told at that point that even though all week they had believed that the mass was related to an OB issue - something to do with my reproductive organs - the MRI results came in with a different story. It’s not at all connected to my ovary or Fallopian tube, but in fact, the mass is located in the soft muscle tissue and is pushing up against a lot of other organs. That was the first time I had heard the word Sarcoma. Now that they were able to eliminate ovarian cancer, they were able to go in and get a biopsy, so that would be my last test. Biopsy was scheduled for Saturday morning and then would take 5 days for the results to come in - that’s right, you heard me - 5 days! The good news was that I would get to rest at home while we waited for the results - this was the best news ever. All I wanted at that point after 5 days in that bed, was to go home and get to hug my family.

Saturday 6/27 started with a clumsy one-handed shower (those IVs are tricky). Then off to the biopsy. Luckily they let me know that unlike the MRI that was so painful, they were going to sedate me to perform the CT guided biopsy. I was in good spirits knowing we were getting closer to an answer, closer to a plan of action in my recovery, and closer to getting to go home. Biopsy was quick and painless and in no time, I was getting unhooked and back in my clothes and out the door to begin the toughest waiting period of my life.

It’s hard to know what to do when all you can think is that you might have cancer, but I tried to resume some normalcy and focus on work and enjoying my temporary time at home. We figured that after getting the results of the biopsy that a surgery would be next. We were wrong.

Wednesday 7/1/2020 was the day I got the call. It was about 2pm when my phone rang and a doctor from Kaiser identified herself. I knew this was it so I sat down and got out a note pad to take notes. She started with, “This is Good News” - and I guess it was in her eyes - but certainly not in mine. She was happy to report that it was NOT Sarcoma as they had predicted after the MRI. It was, in fact, B Cell Lymphoma. I immediately start googling. From what I could see on my computer screen, I asked, “Is that the same as Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma?” She said that yes that’s the same thing. I have heard of that, but never really knew what it was, but I think over the next few months, I’ll become an expert. She let me know that I won’t need surgery, as NHL is treated with Chemo and Radiation, and then told me that it’s “Potentially Curable” - I’m still not really crazy about the sound of that first part. We discussed the treatment as well as the preparation I’ll need before I can start Chemo which will include a PET Scan, Echocardiogram, Bone Marrow Biopsy, and again, everyone’s favorite - more blood work.

I’m glad we have answers. I’m glad we’ve ruled out some way more serious and scary cancers. I’m glad to know I have something that’s very common. I’m glad the treatment will be near my house. I’m glad to have so many people in my life who love me and are supporting me. I’m optimistic and scared and eager to get on the road to recovery.