When is a bell more than just a bell?
The answer of course is - when that bell signifies the end of the worst chapter of your life. When the sound of the bell means you’ve won, and beat that nasty disease, and are allowed to live to fight another day. Today was the day I got to finally ring that bell.
As a patient sitting in the infusion center I would always get sad and emotional watching other patients getting to ring the bell but today I saw other patients cheer and clap and cry for me as I declared, by vigorously ringing the bell for the whole floor to hear, that I had won this fight. The nurse yelled to the cancer ward that I was finally done with chemo and I watched as she told the patient closest to me, “see, there’s hope, this will be you in no time and you’ll get to walk out that door and not look back.” I love the thought that my journey could give hope to those still fighting. Proof that doctors are geniuses and nurses are angels and science works.
So today was of course my meeting with my oncologist to discuss the results of my PET scan from last week. It was great to get to see the images with an even smaller tumor. Even after ending chemo, my body is still working to get rid of the rest of that damn tumor slowly but surely. He said these results are as good as we could have hoped for and I managed treatment as well as we could have hoped for. Everything that we’ve done so far has worked. He’s not at all concerned with the other findings from the scan. Thankfully there’s nothing wrong my heart or my lungs.
There is still a 3.2 cm tumor in my abdomen, but that’s nothing compared to the 10cm tumor that was there just a few months ago. The tumor is still clearly dead from what we can see on the PET scan images and no reason to assume there is any active cancer in there. The only thing he is suggesting at this time is to have a consultation with the radiology department. Radiation was something we had discussed at the beginning of my treatment and it was decided that because of the size and location of my tumor that we couldn’t do radiation because of the risks to the other organs that were all smashed up with the tumor. It could have damaged my liver or kidney or stomach if they had tried to radiate at the beginning, but now that it’s so much smaller, they might suggest trying to use radiation to get rid of the remaining dead cancer cells. My oncologist says this is called consolidation radiation - not the same as the radiation that cancer patients get to try to kill the cancer since mine is already dead. “Treatment that is given after cancer has disappeared following the initial therapy. Consolidation therapy is used to kill any cancer cells that may be left in the body” -https://www.cancer.gov/publications/dictionaries/cancer-terms/def/consolidation-therapy
He says that since this isn’t his area of expertise, he wants to refer me over to the radiology department to have a consultation to discuss the options. They may say that there’s no point to radiation since it’s not causing me any discomfort, or they may say it’s best to go ahead and get rid of it. Either way I will follow whatever recommendations they make. Whatever will give me a better chance to avoid it coming back. There is still a 50% chance my cancer will return in the next 5 years, but he’s hoping I’ll make it a few years at least. He said he’d be thrilled if we can make it 3 years. I’ll jus have to take each year as a gift and make the most of my days and never lose sight of what’s important. I literally have no time for pettiness or toxic bullshit - my time is too valuable and I don’t want to waste it. I’ve proven that I want to be here and I’ve fought hard to stay.
I have an appointment in 2 weeks to meet with radiology so we’ll just have to wait and see what they say. Oh and I can finally make an appointment to get my COVID vaccine. Kaiser is now opening up vaccination appointments to patients with cancer or chronic illnesses or compromised immune systems. I’m waiting for a call back to get that date on the books but hopefully that will be in the next few weeks. My oral surgery last weekend went off without a hitch too. I got 3 teeth extracted and finally today the swelling is down and pain is almost gone. I feel like I’m getting everything taken care of so that I can mentally be prepared to go back to work on Monday. I have my health all in order, got my office space cleaned up, bought some new desk organizers and I feel really good about moving forward. See - I’m always making lists of things I can check off.
So that’s it - I’m going back to my normal life, but with a new prospective on what it means to be productive, what real priorities are, and how much love I have in my life. On to my new normal with a better me.
4th PET Scan 3/1/21
