A Vacation and a PET Scan
Man, did we have a great time! It was so nice to get away for a few days (we even extended it an extra day because we were having such a great time). I’m not sure why we don’t vacation in Palm Springs more. I don’t think I had been there since I was a kid on vacation with my Family and I have incredibly vivid memories of that trip even though I was probably Maggie’s age. I remember we stayed at the Desert Springs Marriott, I remember I got really sunburnt, I remember taking the little boat over to the tepan restaurant, I remember that was the trip I learned how to charge things to the room while hanging out at the pool - important life lessons for young Molly. It’s only 2 hours away but it really feels like you’re getting far away.
We left Friday morning after Thanksgiving and got to the house with enough time to swim before our fancy dinner. Thank you so much to Joel and Karen for the fabulous recommendations for The Tropicale and Lulus - we went to both - and for the super generous gift card and art set for the kids! I’m constantly overwhelmed by the generosity of everyone around me - especially those that love me because they love my mom. And we can’t thank Rachel and Phil enough for letting us stay at their home. It was just perfect.
Friday night we had dinner on the patio at Tropicale and it was certainly a fancy dinner for us. The kids thought it was so special to be the only kids in the restaurant. They drank shirley temples (Harrison ate about a dozen cherries) and they were very well behaved. Eric and I both agreed that may have been our most successful attempt at taking them to a nice restaurant. It’s always a risk and we’re always prepared for the possibility of leaving early due to unruly kids causing a scene - but that was not the case here. I think the trick is to make sure they’re kind of worn out and really hungry - then they sit still and actually eat their food.
Saturday we went to the Living Desert Zoo - did you know Palm Springs had their own zoo? Me neither. It’s a really great zoo though - the wallabies were my favorite - you can actually go into the wallaby exhibit and walk around right next to them. We felt very safe and spread out - the tickets were all timed so they can limit the amount of people entering at once. It’s the perfect zoo to see all in about 3 hours. It was the most amount of walking I’ve done in months and it felt great to have so much energy - although I was really wiped out for the rest of the day. The kids got to feed the giraffes too which was very cool. We ended the day by taking a sunset golf cart ride around the community taking in the beautiful mountains and cotton candy sky.
Sunday was our lazy pool day which was very much needed after all the physical activity the day before at the zoo.
Monday the kids had school so they did their zoom classes from the house and in the afternoon we went up the aerial tramway to Mount San Jacinto. I vaguely remember doing this as a kid - but I’m not 100% sure about that. It was a very cool experience and something I don’t think the kids will forget. It’s only a 10 minute tram ride up about 2 and a half miles to the peak, but it’s such a contrast from the valley below. It was in the 70s at the base of the mountain and then in the high 40s at the top. We even had to go out and buy jackets before the trip - that’s right my kids didn’t have proper winter coats - we just don’t have much use for them in Orange County. My kids had never even seen snow - that is until this trip up the mountain. It had snowed a few weeks ago and fortunately for us, there was still a bit of snow up at the top. We spent about 2 hours hiking and exploring the trails and came across several patches of snow and the kids had a blast smashing it with sticks so they could throw snowballs at each other. Next we went back down the hill and back to downtown Palm Springs to check out the little shops and grab some dinner. This time we ended up at Lulu’s Bistro which was amazing. So cute and kitschy and the food was amazing.
Tuesday was more zoom classes and then right after the kids were done, we left to drive home. I had my weekly doctor’s appointment to get to for my dressing change on my PICC line (man am I going to be glad when that’s out of me). Then we stopped by my mom’s to pick up Penny, our dog, who had been staying there while we were out of town. Penny even got groomed while we were away - thanks Mom! When we returned home, we found another wonderful gift - our house had been cleaned thanks to Roe. There’s nothing better than coming home from vacation to a clean home. That was certainly a lovely way to end a trip. We really appreciate everyone’s help for making this a vacation to remember.
I hope I did enough to make this a lasting memory for my kids. I’m so freaked out about making my time with them count. I want them to be able to look back at their childhood with nothing but happy thoughts and solid traditions that they will want to continue with their kids one day. I want them to return to places we’ve been to as a family with their kids in 30 years and be able to recount all of the details from this trip so they can annoyingly point out to their kids how different everything looks from when they were kids. I’m desperate to fill their heads with happy times with mom as opposed to all of the times when mom was too sick to play with them. I’m trying to pre-emptively fix the future trauma of being a kid whose mom has cancer or worse - a kid whose mom dies of cancer.
Thursday of this week was the big day - my 3rd PET scan. This is the scan I’ve been working so hard to get to. All of the pain and poison I’ve put my body through was all to get here to find out if that hard work paid off. We’re all hoping (and the doctors are expecting) to see a clear scan. They’ve already planned the future of my treatments around the expectation that this scan will be clear so I sure hope I did enough to make that happen. I did exactly what they told me to - no sugar or carbs for 48 hours before the scan - and I had the grumpy attitude to prove it (I love my carbs and sugar and I’m not pleasant to be around when they’re taken away from me). The scan itself was uneventful - I know what to expect now. My mom came with me too. The way Kaiser has the PET scan machines setup, they’re in trailers out behind the hospital and they have a little waiting area outside so we’ve figured out that my mom can park and walk around the hospital to be back and wait with me outside while the radioactive juice works its way through my veins. It’s a rare opportunity to have a buddy at a doctors appointment since there is still a strict “no visitors” policy inside the hospital. I’m so grateful to have my mom with me through all of this and I’m so thankful that she has a flexible job where she can take the time to spend with me. Luckily “most” of her clients understand that being with her daughter during this time is more important than their title order. No matter how old I get I will always need my mom to be by my side.
And now we wait. We won’t have results for 4-5 days so I’m hoping I’ll know by Monday. I’m due to get admitted back to the hospital on Thursday to start my first of 3 rounds of the Methotrexate infusions and that means I need to go on Monday for my 4th COVID test. Since the numbers are all skyrocketing again they warned me that the line for the test is taking about 3-4 hours so I have that to look forward to. I guess that means I’ll have plenty of time to sit in my car in the testing line and get caught up on my beloved podcasts.
I’m trying not to think about the scan results, but it’s not going well. I’m totally freaking out about it. My oncologist never discussed with me what would happen if the scan isn’t clear - I assume that would mean I need to get more red devils - but how many more? 1 more round? 3 more rounds? How many months will this extend my treatment? If there is still more cancer in me, did taking 5 weeks off allow too much time for more cancer to grow? Is my tumor growing back? Even if there’s one little cell of cancer remaining - my cancer grows so fast so if we left just one cell, how long before the whole tumor comes back? It’s a slippery slope when these thoughts creep in so I’ll continue to push them down - edibles help. I really should ask my doctor about getting something for the anxiety of cancer - why haven’t I asked about that earlier? That should just be a thing - that they prescribe Xanax in the same appointment where they break the bad news that you have cancer. I think I’ll ask him about that when he calls me with my scan results. I never like asking for medication because I don’t want them to think I’m a wimp - how stupid is that? I’m worried that my oncologist will think I’m a wuss - this guy - they guy who’s been poisoning me for 6 months. He already cut me off from my Percocet prescription which is probably for the best - I really liked those. Oh well, for now I’m just going to try to enjoy the weekend - it’s my last weekend before I go back into the hospital for a week so I want to get the most out of it. Going to see Santa, put up the tree, and decorate for Christmas - that will surely take my mind off of the scan results, right? Here’s hoping.
