Nearing the end of cycle one
It’s been a rough 5 days, but here we are - down to the last few hours of this poison going into my body before getting to go home. I’ve been hooked up to the chemo non-stop since 5pm on Wednesday which included 4 giant Red Devil combo drug bags that each take a full 24 hours to complete. Since getting hooked up, my days have been filled with headaches, bland food, reality shows, tear-filled FaceTime calls, and uncomfortable naps. Saying, THIS SUCKS, doesn’t really do it justice, but I’m trying my best not to fill this blog with cussing (no promises). I know I should just be taking this one day at a time, but I wish so badly that I could fall asleep for 4 months and wake up all better. I’m terrified of the after-effects of the chemo to kick in once I go home and the knowledge that I’m going to be feeling sick for days is not a pleasant one. Oh and get this - because I have a body filled with poison, I can’t touch anyone (skin-to-skin) for the first 48 hours after ending the last bag. That means no touching my kids faces or kissing my husband until Wednesday - but for now I’m just focused on getting out of here.
My mind is currently swirling with everything I need to do when I get home and what I want to remember to do differently for the next cycle. Turns out I can bring my own food from home which I hope will be helpful. My taste buds have already started to change and senses have been increased - basically all hot food smells disgusting and everything tastes weird or gross. My beloved Diet Coke doesn’t even taste the same. It tastes like Diet Pepsi - and to die hard Diet Coke drinkers everywhere - you know what a terrible disappointment that is. All that tastes good right now is ice cream, Italian ice, smoothies, pudding. I could certainly go for some FroYo or a chocolate shake about now. I think I will be bringing some pre-made smoothies, cold coffee, and shakes for the next go. Luckily I have my own refrigerator, so that’s helpful.
I was really hoping I would have more energy to get things done or even read a book - but that hasn’t been the case. The most I’ve been able to manage during the days has been to take a few laps around the hall or getting out of bed to sit in the chair for an hour. So much for all of the activities I brought.
Oh and another thing - can we please start some sort of petition to increase the quality of hospital pillows? Why even bother with a pillow that’s covered in squeaky plastic that sinks down to nothing the second you lay on it? I think I currently have 10 behind/under me - and I can still feel the bars of the bed under my sore back. Note for next month - bring my own pillows!
There was one minor set-back yesterday when I pointed out that I was having some chest pain - they kept asking if it was chest pain or tightness - I need to figure out how to explain my symptoms better because I don’t really know the difference between those. Maybe it’s only pressure? Kind of feels like someone is sitting on my chest or almost like I need to crack by back or my sternum. Maybe that foam roller will get some use when I return home. Of course chest pain is a cause for concern as heart attacks is one of the THOUSANDS of possible side-effects of chemo. I had an echocardiogram done last week and my heart was fine, so the immediately called up for an EKG to be done. They also drew more blood and all of the results came back normal with no detection of a heart attack. They said it could be anxiety related - oh, you think? Yeah, I’m going to guess that’s in then. I think I just need a back-rub by my husband to make it all better. Soon.
My strict regimen once I get home will include weekly trips to the hospital to get blood drawn, get the dressing on my PIC line replaced, and daily injections administered by my personal nurse (also known as my mom). We FaceTimed the other day with my nurse so she could teach my mom and me how to give the shots. Since I’m not great with things like that, I volunteered my mom to help - she seemed pretty excited about the responsibility. I’m learning and researching as much as I can about all of the things I can and can’t eat too. No red meat, no alcohol, no sushi or oysters, no eggs, no salads, no raw fruits or vegetables, no fried food, blah blah blah. The one on the list I’m most sad about is no cotton candy grapes. The risk of bacteria is too high even if it’s thoroughly washed.
There’s still so much to think about and stress about - most of all the fact that I only get 2 weeks at home before starting this whole horrible process over again.
And just like that - the last Red Devil chemo bag just beeped that it’s done! One step closer to the end of this first cycle.
